Endless Sky Estate

Located at a 4,000-foot elevation on Lion Mountain, Endless Sky is positioned eye-to-eye with some of the West’s most spectacular natural splendors. The home looks across Whitefish Lake directly at Whitefish Mountain Ski Resort with a backdrop of the snow-capped peaks of Glacier National Park. The Canadian Rockies rise in the distance to the northwest.

Listen Chickens...

Your Mama's trusty laptop computer is giving us the devil today but we're endeavoring to bring you part two of our story about The Carhart Mansion. We apologize for the inconvenience but without the cooperation of our trusty–and apparently sick–laptop our hands are somewhat tied.

UPDATE: We managed to get Part Two of The Carhart Mansion piece out (below), but we very well may be without our laptop for a day or two. We'll keep you posted.

Let's Have a Look-See at The Carhart Mansion: Part Deux

The Simplex
When compared to the other three multi-floor apartments that comprise The Carhart Mansion, the building's sole simplex unit that occupies the entire fifth floor seems...well...kind of ordinary, dull even. However, let's not let visions and fantasies of epic triplexes, heroic doo-plexes and heavenly penthouses blind us all to the fact that The Carhart Mansion's solitary simplex is unapologetically luxurious, anything but simple, and approximately three times the size of the average American home.

According to the peeps at Property Shark the full floor sprawler is currently owned by Merrill Lynch honcho Do Woo Kim and his wife Aeri who coughed up $12,500,000 for the 12-room residence in October of 2005. According to a previous report, Mister Kim earned a jaw dropping $28,000,000 in 2005 and moved to The Carhart Mansion from a Fifth Avenue apartment he sold in the fall of 2006 for $9,600,000.
According to marketing information, Mister and Missus Kim's simplex measures 6,770 square feet of dee-luxe interior space with another 260 square feet of outdoor space. At the time the Kims purchased the apartment, the simplex contained three bedrooms and 3 full and 2 half poopers. Since Your Mama doesn't really know a pair of glasses from a pork chop we don't have any idea if the Kims made any alterations to the floor plan which may have changed the bedroom and/or terlit counts.

Other than the service/fire stairs and the service elevator, The Kim's condo at the Carhart is only accessible via the building's main elevator which opens directly into the foyer. To the left of the foyer are the living room and library, each with a fireplace and separated by double pocket doors. The children will note that, combined, the living room and library occupy approximately the same amount of square footage as just the living rooms of the Chenault's triplex and the Mehiel's doo-plex, which sorta makes them seem a bit puny, but the children can be assured they are still generously sized spaces.

A straight shot from the elevator lands you in a room labeled "reception hall" on the floor plan and which would make a dee-voon dining room, partick since the original floor plan did not call out any other room for formal feasting. The reception/dining room includes the apartment's third fireplace and an inset terrace, barely large enough to stand around and smoke a pre-desert doobie with dinner guests, accessed through three sets of French doors. Another tiny terrace located directly off the kitchen is where Cook barbecues and the cleaning gurls probably sneak cigarettes in between scrubbing terlits and washing winders.

The apartment's less formal rooms occupy a chunk of space to the right of the foyer. In addition to the gore-may kitchen, breakfast room and laundry facilities, the right wing includes the guest closet and pooper, a passageway cum butler's pantry, and two flexible use rooms that flank a half pooper. The floor plan included with marketing materials labels the flexible use rooms as a "home office" and a "butler's pantry," which might also be used as a live-in staff room.

A long, dead straight hallway leads from the foyer to the apartment's most private quarters, which include two family bedrooms each with private pooper and the master suite. Accessible through two entrances–one door is off the bedroom hallway and the other down a short hallway that shoots off the living room–encompasses a private sitting room with a fourth fireplace, large bed chamber, two dressing rooms and a super-luxe pooper with double vanities, terlit and bee-day, a free-standing soaking tub in the middle of the room and a separate shower that for twelve and some million smackers had better be equipped with steam.

According to property records, Mister and Missus Kim also own a very dignified 5 bedroom and 6 pooper mansion on 4 manicured acres near The Stanwich Club in Greenwich, CT. Records also indicate that in September of 2007 Mister and Missus Kim forked over $6,200,000 for a 4,164 square foot Crosby Street condo in the very same SoHo building where musician turned actor Lenny Kravitz (Precious) has been trying to sell a white elephant doo-plex penthouse since about the dawn of time.

The Penthouse
In November of 2007, media mogul and heir to the Seagram family's booze bucks Edgar Bronfman Jr. snatched up the doo-plex penthouse at The Carhart Mansion for, according to prop records, $18,750,000. As he has done several times in the past few years, Mister Bronfman, Jr. flipped the posh penthouse back on the market six months later with a much higher price tag of $24,500,000. Your Mama is not sure what Mister Bronfman, Jr. and his real estate people were drinking or smoking that led them to think this penthouse had increased in value by 30-some percent in just six months, but think so they did.

Five months later, in September of 2008, along comes dee-ziner shoe queen Tamara Mellon who, according to prop records, paid $20,000,000 for Mister Bronfman, Jr.'s never occupied penthouse flip job at The Carhart Mansion. Your Mama imagines that after taxes, carrying costs, maintenance, and the fat real estate fees Mister Bronfman, Jr. was probably damn lucky to break even on his real estate fickle. But then again, we're not privy to the details of his finances nor do we know a cook book from a picket fence so don't nobody go go around telling people Your Mama said Mister Bronfman, Jr. lost money on this transaction.

Anyhoo, all the ladeez, gayz and metrosexuals–do people still use that term?–surely know that Miz Mellon is the well-bred British co-founder and current President of the Jimmy Choo shoe empire. Social watchers and climbers also know that Miz Mellon married very well in the year 2000 when she hitched her wagon to that of American Matthew Mellon, IV, the playboy heir to a multi-billion dollar family fortune built largely on banking and oil. Five years and one child later, the globe-trotting couple went splitsville and it wasn't long before the soon to be ex-Missus Mellon spilled the dirty beans on their marriage telling the dee-vorce court that Mister Mellon was like a "child in need of a nanny," and that being married to him was, "like having another child." Oh, ouch. She then claimed, through her attorney, that the erstwhile couple remained good friends. Really? Could be but if the Dr. Cooter every let Your Mama's secret cats out of the bag we'd send Heinz over to bust up his knee caps tout de suite.

Miz Mellon went on to sell Jimmy Choo in 2007 for a reported $364,000,000 and moved on from Mister Mellon with a string of high profile men that have included Kid Rock, soft-porn purveyor Joe Francis and, most recently, Christian Slater.
According to listing information we dug up on Street Easy, at the time Miz Mellon purchased her 7,140 square foot penthouse at The Carhart Mansion, it contained 10 rooms including a ballroom sized 800+ square foot living room, 4 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers plus a staff room tucked up behind the kitchen. The entire second level of the penthouse was, according to the floor plan (above), taken up by a 600+ square foot solarium with two exposures, a pantry, and a powder pooper all ringed by a trio of expansive terraces. It's completely unknown to Your Mama if Miz Mellon made any changes to the floor plan after purchasing the penthouse however, according to listing information, the seller–that would be Mister Bronfman, Jr.–included architectural recommendations for an extensive and expensive reconfiguration of the 6th and 7th floor building topper.
According to the recommended floor plan included with the old listing information (above), the newly revamped residence would be transformed into a 5 bedroom and 4.5 pooper penthouse with what appears to be a more modern aspect and a much more sensible and clearly delineated program.

The main entry to the penthouse is via the building's main elevator which opens directly into the entrance hall, which in the new plan would be expanded and the adjacent staircase to the second floor given more visual fortitude. Behind the entry hall, down an unimpressive hall and, sadly, right past the powder pooper, the step down living room and enclosed solarium space would be combined into one vast, Noah's Ark sized entertainment area with a monumental fireplace and access to one of the penthouses many terraces through an elaborate portico held up by a couple delicious and dee-lovely Doric central columns.

In the back of the penthouse's first floor where there were three bedrooms, three poopers, a gore-may cooker, staff room and pooper, the new plan calls for a complete reorganization that would then include four family bedrooms that share two good-sized poopers, a sky-lit play room and, in a portion of the space previously occupied by kitchen, a large laundry facility, a small office–probably best for a house keeper or house manager–and a pooper for the Lucretia the laundress and the other day staff who would more than likely be forbidden from using any of the terlits in the resident's poopers.

The dining room would become the kitchen with a huge work island but, unfortunately, it appears that the fireplace that graced one end of the dining room of the original plan was sacrificed in the service of a more logical floor plan. At the front of the apartment, in what was the master suite, the new plan calls for a formal dining room which opens through French doors to an impossibly thin Juliet balcony and and a library which also opens to the Juliet balcony through French doors as well as to the large terrace located off the front side of the living room…the one with the fab Doric portico situation.

The recommended plan calls for the master suite to be moved upstairs into the solarium space, which would certainly provide much more privacy for the Lord and Lady of the house who must might need a some time away from the kiddies at the end of the day. The new master suite would include a somewhat modest bed chamber–which is just fine with Your Mama who does not like to sleep in a room the size of a damn airplane hanger, a linear bathroom with separate tub and shower, natch, a separate but unfortunately windowless cube for the terlit, and dual dressing rooms large enough to please a shoe queen like Miz Mellon and most clothes horses.

Whoever drew up the recommended plan wisely allowed for a large stair landing on the second floor that gives easy access to two of the three massive terraces that surround the new master suite. Tucked into niche just outside one of the doors from the landing to the terrace is an exterior staircase that climbs up to the penthouse's last and final terrace. Your Mama shudders and sweats at just the thought of the spine tingling cost to landscape and maintain all 5,290 square feet of these urban terraces, which would sure require at least two well formed and shirtless landscapers prune, water and look nine kinds of sexy at least 3 or maybe 4 days a week. At least.

An admittedly not particlularly thorough search of property records did not turn up any other stateside properties owned by Miz Mellon. However, it certainly would not be shocking if she owned additional properties around New York City, like in the Hamptons, and it would be even less surprising if she did not own a place in her native London.

As mentioned in Part Uno of our dissertation on The Carhart Mansion, the ginourmous doo-plex owned by corrugated cardboard king Dennis Mehiel and his wife Karen is currently on the market with a sky high asking price of $29,500,000. Only time will tell what amount a buyer will be willing to pay, but if Your Mama were the betting type, we'd ante up our mean ol' pussy Sugar that the new owner(s) will be equally as financially impressive but, and here's the hitch, foreign. It's the perfect pad for a Russian billionaire's New York City pied a terre. Are you listening Roman Abramovich? Have you looked at this? It might be a nice addition to your prodigious and growing portfolio of outrageously expensive properties.

photos and floor plans: Brown Harris Stevens, Street Easy, Corcoran

Let's Have a Look-See at The Carhart Mansion

Your Mama thought it might be fun–or at least fun for us–to begin 2010 with some good, ol' fashioned real estate porn. So jump on yer imaginary jets ands high tail it to Noo York City where it's currently quite cold and where we're going to have a look-see through the hallowed halls of The Carhart Mansion (above), an 87-foot wide neo-classical monster on tree-lined East 95th Street at Fifth Avenue.

The Carhart Mansion was originally designed by high society architect Horace Trumbauer in 1916 and expanded in the early naughts by Zivkovic Connolly Architects in association with much lauded London based classical architect John Simpson. The front facade gives the appearance of two side-by-side townhouses when in fact it is really one building containing four capacious condominiums. The Carhart Mansion is situated at the northern edge of the Upper East Side in what is called the Carnegie Hill neighborhood, which officially extends only one more block north to East 96th Street. In fact, The Carhart Mansion is so far north that some Upper East Side real estate snobs scoff and poo-poo its East 95th Street address as being far too far north for proper society and one high-nosed nabob Your Mama is acquainted with once hissed in our ear that, "The Carhart Mansion is so far north it might as well be Harlem, darling."

Listen puppies, don't be fooled by the boorish but high-larious bon mot offered by Ned Nabober. In truth, the block of 95th Street immediately off Central Park is a super swish enclave lined with elegant, well-preserved and substantial townhouses that drip with architectural gravitas and are inhabited by some of the hoitiest of New York's toitiest and certainly the charmingly musty, long standing but somewhat anachronistic geographical real estate rules strictly adhered to by many old-school Upper East Siders have not stopped big names and even bigger bank accounts from setting up house in the four capacious condominiums carved out of the two conjoined and aristocratic edifices that are swathed in Indiana limestone and heavy with historic, elaborate and deeply dignified architectural articulation.

Now then, buckle your seat belt babies because Your Mama feels a long wind blowing through our gin sotted mind. Let's begin at the bottom and work our way up from the triplex that encompasses significant portions of the basement, first and second floors and up to the doo-plex penthouse with its six–that's right chickens, you read that right–six terraces. The main entrance to The Carhart Mansion is through carved wood doors–opened by a round the clock doorman, natch–to a small entrance vestibule that in turn opens to a short flight of stairs that leads to the main lobby where a private concierge sits quietly and patiently waiting to perform every beck and call of the few and economically privileged residents.

The Triplex
The first apartment Your Mama is going to discuss and work over is the triplex unit that encompasses significant portions of the basement/garden level, first, and the second floors. Property records reveal the unit was purchased in March of 2006 by Kathryn and Kenneth Chenault who laid out a breath taking $21,500,000 for their titanic triplex maisonette. Mister Chenault, currently the Chairman of the Board and CEO of American Express, earns nearly 30,000,000 clams a year which explains how he and the wifey can afford to buy and maintain unimaginably dee-luxe digs that measure, according to marketing materials, 14,550 square feet of interior space and include another 1,720 square feet of private garden and terrace. Altogether, the apartment includes 15 rooms, an prairie-like 1,100 square foot living room, 5 bedrooms–including a elephantine 1,100+ square foot master suite with two clothes-horse friendly dressing rooms and a 5-star pooper–4 additional private poopers and another 5 powder poopers. Other numbers to ogle over are the apartment's 21 closets, 5 fireplaces–plus a sixth decorative one, 3 sizable storage rooms, and 2 butler's pantries–one on the kitchen level, one on the dining room level–conveniently connected by a dumb waiter.


The children will notice that the Chenault's colossal condo has no fewer than four separate public entrances: A door that opens directly into the apartment from the main lobby of the building; A private elevator that services all three floors of the apartment as well as the main lobby which sits, roughly, halfway between the basement/garden level and the first floor; Via a door on the street that opens to a vestibule that leads to the library as well as the condo's palatial stair hall; Another door that opens from the street into a double height "chamber alcove" with a set of tightly winding stairs that give access to a second level bedroom. This bedroom, with its private entrance, is well suited to dee-luxe staff quarters for someone like Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's rough talking house gurl Svetlana who will threaten bodily harm if made to sleep in a closet sized room behind the kitchen or possibly as guest quarters for folks like Your Mama's bff Fiona Trambeau who has a bad habit of bringing rough trade home after a long night of booze imbibing and hip swiveling.

The lowest level contains some of the less formal rooms and service areas including an approximately 600 square foot eat-in kitchen with two walk-in pantries and a Volkswagon sized work island, a family room that, like the kitchen, also opens through French doors to the private garden, a trio of storage rooms, an exercise room–which could probably be used as a staff bedroom if necessary, laundry facilities and three of the apartment's five powder poopers.

In addition to the Manhattan 2-bedroom apartment sized living room, which opens to a terrace through four French dooors, the main level offers soaring ceilings, scads of original architectural detailing, a charity event sized dining room, over-sized stair hall, library, 2 powder poopers, and a bedroom sized bar area that serves as passage to a window lined gallery that leads to a nearly hidden den at the front of the building.

The triplex's second floor encompasses all five of the bedrooms including the aforementioned master suite and staff/guest bedroom with private entrance. Additional there are three more bedrooms, each with private pooper, and and a flex use room with adjacent powder pooper that could be utilized as a second home gym, play room, children's study center or possibly as a bedroom for the least favored child.

According to property records, lavish living Mister and Missus Chenault also own several other homes including an estate in New Rochelle, NY and a nearly nine-acre spread in Sag Harbor, NY–that's the Hamptons, babies–they bought in March of 2001 for $7,450,000.

The Doo-plex
Just above the Chenault's triplex is a rambling doo-plex currently owned by corrugated cardboard tycoon Dennis Mehiel–a mover and a shaker in the Democratic party–and his wife Karen who, according to Property Shark, purchased the condo in September of 2005 $15,500,000. It might be interesting for the children to know that a few years before the Mehiels scooped up their jumbo condo at The Carhart Mansion, they were reportedly rejected by the board at The Dakota, arguably Central Park West's most desirable and difficult building in which to achieve residency. However, there does appear to be a wee bit of evidence that Mister Mehiel–or at least a Mehiel family member–was given the thumbs up by the board at The Dakota.
Anyhoo, just three years after buying and doing up the doo-plex, Mister and Missus Mehiel hoisted the 17-room condo back on the market in August of 2008 with a rather shocking price tag of $35,000,000, which–according or bejewled abacus– is nearly 2.5 times what they paid. Your Mama does not profess to be any sort of an expert about anything let alone ultra high-end real estate in New York City but given the state of the economy, which was slip sliding away in August of 2008, that seems like a rather, uh, optimistic number. A few months later, in October of 2008, the Mehiels de-listed their doo-plex and re-listed it 7 and some months later with a new real estate broker and a new but laughably lesser asking price of $34,900,000. Then comes along mid-September 2009 when the Mehiels and their real estate people chopped a hefty $5,400,000 from the price leaving it at it's current figure of $29,500,000.

According to listing information, The Carhart Mansion's doo-plex sprawls across the entire 3rd and 4th floors, contains 17 rooms that combined encompass 10,530 square feet interior space. The Mehiel's major mansion-condo proudly claims The Carhart Mansion's parlor floor, which provides shockingly high 18-foot ceilings in all the major rooms.
As best as Your Mama's beady little eyes can tell from studying the floor plan (above), the apartment has two public entrances: An elegant marble staircase that climbs from the building's main lobby to a landing that opens into a good-sized gallery, and the building's public elevator, which opens directly into a foyer that, in turn, gives way to the good-sized gallery. The parlor floor includes an stuh-ning 1,100 square foot, wood-paneled living room with fireplace and a trio of French doors that open to an impractically slim balcony overlooking East 95th Street, a cozy library with fireplace, a dining room with another fireplace and some of the most marvelous murals of dark woods that Your Mama has ever laid eyes on, and the kitchen/breakfast room/family room combo space that includes a fourth fireplace and access to a hallway where the wet bar, powder pooper and media closet are located. The remainder of the parlor floor is devoted to the massive master suite.

Originally, according to marketing information, the Mehiel's tremendous two-floor unit included 5 bedrooms–3 on the parlor floor and 2 on the second level–and 5.5 poopers plus two staff rooms on the second level that shared a single pooper. The Mehiels have reconfigured the condo so that there are now, according to the floor plan accompanying the current listing, 4 bedrooms and 4 full and 2 half poopers. Two of the family bedrooms on the parlor floor were merged into the master suite which altogether includes a double height bed chamber with a private staircase to the second level, an office that overlooks the triplex unit's private garden, 2 dressing rooms, 2 additional closets and two poopers, one modest in size the other larger and far more swank than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's entire master suite.

The second level, accessed via a curving stairway from hallway on the parlor floor that unfortunately splits the master suite into two sections, includes two family bedrooms each with private pooper, a media/play room, and a study/home gym. The two bedrooms and single pooper originally designed as staff quarters, located down a long, closet-lined "L" shaped hallway, has been re-made into a guest room or, if the owner has an ounce of humanity, a properly sized staff room. The hallway continues beyond the guest/staff room to an approximately 19-foot by 13-foot, windowed laundry room that would make our hard working but mouthy house gurl Svetlana pee her apple-bottom jeans with glee and satisfaction.

Your Mama came up a wee-bit empty handed when looking for additional residences owned by Mister and Missus Mehiel. While Mister Mehiel is often referred to in the media as based in Westchester County, NY and although we did find a trio of adjacent properties in tiny and monied Armonk, NY with Mister Mehiel's name attached, but those properties also have the name of his ex-wife attached so we're not quite sure what's what with that, but we'd chew glass dipped in bhut jolokia powder if Mister Mehiel and current Missus Mehiel don't have one or more additional residences is ritzy locations like Palm Beach, Aspen, the Hamptons and Westchester County.

Stay tuned, my little cherry pies, for part two when we'll hash out the remaining two condos at The Carhart Mansion.

photos and floor plans: Brown Harris Stevens, Street Easy, Corcoran

Your Mama Hears...

...from Los Angeles real estate über-insider Donatella Dontchaknow that every one's favorite vanilla flavored, 2-time Oscar winning actor Tom Hanks (Charlie Wilson's War, The Da Vinci Code franchise, You've Got Mail, Saving Private Ryan, the Toy Story franchise, Forrest Gmp, Philadelphia, Turner & Hooch and, back in the early 1980s, the unforgettable cross dressing comedy Bosom Buddies) and his lovely but not nearly as successful actress wife Rita Wilson (It's Complicated, The Chumscrubber, Perfume, Runaway Bride, and Jingle All the Way) are splashing out for a newer, bigger and better pad in Pacific Palisades, CA.

The Wilson/Hanks, long time residents of the upscale enclave just north of Santa Monica, have long resided in a 6,289 square foot manse on Corsica Drive that prop records show includes 6 bedrooms and 5 poopers. But big is apparently not big enough for these two. According to Donatella Dontchaknow, the Wilson/Hanks are forking over more than $20,000,000 for the very contemporary mansion of prolific super producers Frank Marshall and Kathleen Kennedy. Five-time Oscar nominated Mister Marshall and 6-time nominated Miz Kennedy, both long time associates of uncommonly fecund filmmaker Steven Spielberg, have played a part in the making of films like The Bourne Identity franchise, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Munich, Seabiscuit, The Sixth Sense, Schindler's List, the Jurrassic Park franchise, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Color Purple, the Indiana Jones... franchise, Poltergeist and E.T., just to name a few.

Property records show the Kennedy/Marshall's hilltop house, which hovers high above the ritzy Riviera neighborhood, includes just 4 bedrooms and 5 poopers in 14,513 square feet. The three story house has a gated and tree-lined motor court, a prairie like terrace and swimming pool, a half circle of green lawn, sweeping views, and with it's swooping, curvilinear facade, arguably has more in common architecturally with Richard Meier's Getty Center than it does with the average Pacific Palisades property. As it turns out, the house was designed by Gwathmey Siegel & Associates with interiors, we're told by someone who would know, by L.A. dee-ziner Louis Ortega.

Property records don't yet show a transfer of deeds so all this remains just rumor and gossip at this point but, butter beans, y'all should know that Donatella Dontchaknow never steers our celebrity real estate boat in the wrong direction.

According to property records and Celebrity Address Aerial, Miz Wilson and Mister Hanks own several properties in and around Pacific Palisades including a 4 bedroom and 6 pooper fixer on Amalfi Drive, two adjacent properties on Embury Drive and a recently renovated ocean front getaway behind the gates of the celeb packed Malibu Colony that records reveal was picked up way back in April of 1991 for $2,950,000.

Your Mama has no idea where the Kennedy/Marshalls might be moving, but they certainly don't lack for posh properties in which to shack up. Property records reveal that in addition to their big house they're selling to the Wilson/Hanks, they also own a ski house in Telluride, CO, an ocean front house on Malee-boo's star-lined Broad Beach Road and a New York City 2 bedroom and 2.5 pooper pied-a-terre at The Berkeley House–a posh pre-war dowager on Central Park South–that previous reports reveal they bought in the spring of 2007 for $2,695,000.

UPDATE: Randolph Duke

Back in December of 2008, red carpet dress dee-ziner and HSN habiliment hawker Randoph Duke listed his cantilevered and aggressively cuspidated Los Angeles house with a searing asking price of $8,250,000. Later, in June of 2009, Miss Duke slashed the price tag of the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper property to $6,500,000.

It was shortly after that that Your Mama schlepped our fat ass through and around the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper XTEN Architecture designed house in the Hollywood Hills. Here's what we recall from our visit: The street on which the contemporary crib is located–anorexically narrow Fareholm Drive–offers residents undeniably spectacular views but cosmetically it's not a very attractive or particularly upscale appearing street despite its most famous fat livin' inhabitant, attention craving Kanye West who resides in a multi-floor modern a few curves down the street.

We also recall the angular residence had a driveway far to small to turn a car around–although one just wide enough for someone to back out a gleaming, white Rolls Royce Phantom, that most of the glass walls slid open making for a truly seamless integration of the interior spaces with the exterior terraces, patios, swimming pool and spa and that the master bedroom, despite its lack of an actual door for privacy, is a Sybarite's paradise with huge views, a fireplace for romantical evenings, plenty of storage for an entire wardrobe of his SPIRITED line of ladees duds, a large bathroom and several private terraces including one tucked up behind the house that connects to the outdoor dining room located off one end of the living room.

Anyhoo, thanks to Emily Emailer and confirmed with property records, Your Mama can tell you that Miss Duke finally sold the house in early December 2009 for–drum roll please–$5,300,000. Now chickens, five and some million bucks is a lot of damn dollars but a few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that it's also just 64% of the original asking price. We're certain Miss Duke and all his accountants and real estate people are thrilled the house sold, but surely it stings just a little to get so much less than was desired.

Steve Booshehmee Lists Sunset Strip House

SELLER: Steve Buscemi
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,250,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sited on one of the premier promontories above the Sunset Strip, this European Architectural feels as if it floats among the stars. All major room overlook a dramatic pool and grassy lawn to an unbroken, unobstructed sweep of view across the Los Angeles basin to the Pacific Ocean. The just completed renovation and expansion have created a remarkable two-story residence which combines contemporary luxury with a respect for the details of a distinguished origin.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While Your Mama was sipping gin spiked egg nog with the Dr. Cooter's family we received a missive from Big Dave over at Celebrity Address Aerial who let us know that snaggle-toothed actor/director Steve Buscemi–that's pronounced boo-SHEM-ee–listed a house high above Los Angeles' Sunset Strip with a sky high asking price of $6,250,000.

Mister Buscemi, well known for playing creeps and criminals on screen (The Sopranos, Miller's Crossing, Fargo, The Big Lebowski) also has a handful of nice credits on his IMDB for directing multiple episodes of Oz, The Sopranos, 30 Rock and, most recently, 4 episodes of the wicked and wonderful Nurse Jackie on the HBO.

Anyhoo, property records are a wee bit confusing on this one to Your Mama's holiday hacked and gin saturated mind, but as best as we can tell Mister Buscemi–a dead ringer for John Waters in a dark alley–bought the property in July 0f 2006 for an undisclosed amount of money. It could also be that he's owned the property since sometime in the 1990s. We don't know. The property consists of at least three–and possibly four–adjacent parcels sited on a small but significant promontory allowing for knee buckling views of the glittery lights of Tinseltown from downtown to the Pacific Ocean.

Property records show the recently rehabbed residence was originally built in 1942 and measures 1,956 square feet with 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers. However, listing information indicates the "European Architectural" includes 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers. Your Mama does can't say with certainty why the discrepancy, but we suspect it might have something to do with the recent renovation and expansion mentioned in listing information.

Sitting at the very tip of a hair pin curve on a cul-de-sac off dizzingly swervy Sunset Plaza Drive and fronted by an itty-bitty motor court and 2-car garage, the little-windowed front facade gives few clues to the exploding views that slap you in the damn face at the back of the house which is all floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that open to the back yard.

Listing photos don't reveal much of the interior spaces but, let's be honestly children, whomever buys Mister Booshehmee's Sunset Strip property at whatever price it eventually sells for probably will care little about the interior spaces with it's polished and reddish wood floors, 2 fireplaces and oddly configured but well appointed kitchen. For better or worse and like it or not, in Los Angeles, a house like this is all about that glittering carpet of lights and the small but flat back yard with its infinity edged plunge pool, spa, fire pit and patch of grass just big enough for a couple long bodied bitches.

From the looks of things, Your Mama would guess–and hope–that Mister Booshehmee and family have already moved on to bigger and better digs since there appears to be little in the way of day-core other than a couple of Barcelona chairs, a surfboard shaped glass dining room table with six white chairs and a trio of stainless steel stools pulled up to the breakfast counter in the kitchen. Besides, that orchid sitting on the coffee table in the living room is a dead damn ringer that this place is staged. Or at least, that's what Your Mama thinks.

Property records also indicate that Mister Buscemi owns a 2 bedroom and 2 pooper condo in a tawdry complex on the western side of Las Vegas that was purchased in October of 2006 for $200,000 as well as a house sitting on just more than an acre not too far from posh Park City, UT in the unfortunately named Heber City. It also appears, according to property records, that Mister Buscemi also owns house in the Park Slope neighborhood of his native Brooklyn, NY. which was purchased way back in June of 1997 for $579,000. But honestly butter beans, we're not sure of these things.

The Widda Safra and Real Estate Madness

Listen chickens, today is a travel day for Your Mama so we just don't have too much time to blather on like we usually do so in an effort not to leave y'all completely high and dry real estate wise we're going to drop a tidbit about some recent real estate activity at New York City's high-fallutin' 820 Fifth Avenue, without question one of Manhattan's most exclusive and coveted co-operative apartment houses and also one of the most difficult to get into.

International socialite Lily Safra, the widow of deceased Lebonese billionaire Edmond Safra who perished in a nasty conflagration that swept through the couple's penthouse in Monaco back in 1999, has long occupied the top floor of the ridiculously high-nosed 820 Fifth Avenue. She also, according to several of our better connected New York City sources, owns the smaller of the two maisonette units at 820. Your Mama doesn't know what she uses that apartment for so don't nobody bother asking. If we knew, we'd certainly tell you.

Anyhoo, the long elevator ride to the 12 floor must have gotten a bit annoying for the Widda Safra–or something–because on the 16th of December, according to the peeps at Property Shark, the kohl eyed and wildy rich woman snatched up the 4th floor of 820 Fifth Avenue for a toe curling $33,000,000 and, in turn, sold her 12th floor sprawler to hedge fund honcho Ken Griffin for an even more hair raising $40,000,000. Billionaires clearly weather recessions far differently than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do.

This is not–it might flabbergast the children to know–the first time the Widda Safra has owned the 4th floor of 820 Fifth Avenue. In the early naughts, the Widda Safra reportedly paid khaki pants king Tommy Hilfiger somewhere in the neighborhood of $18,000,000 for the full floor unit. As the story goes–and Your Mama has no idea if the story is really true–the Widda Safra purchased the palatial apartment for one of her two daughters who quickly had a real estate change of mind and decided she didn't want to live downstairs from mumsey after all. The apartment was flipped back on the market and eventually sold in 2003 for around $23,500,000, a tidy profit by any standard. The buyers: home builder Ara Hovnanian and his ar-teest wifey Rachel.

The Hovnanians had the 4th floor unit all did up and done over by dee-voon Dutch architect Piet Boon who worked over the 18-room beast into a minimalist vision in white, black and blue with elaborate and intricate moldings painted the same glaring white as the winter white walls, all the better to display their impressive collection of Hirsts and Matisses. Back in the early spring of 2008, the Hovnanians floated their very contemporary apartment on the market as a quiet listing–meaning it wasn't officially for sale, but for those with the right connections and the right number dollars in their bank accounts was indeed for sale–with an asking price widely reported to be a blistering $36,000,000.

The Hovnanians were, natch, no fools when the Widda Safra–the very same ladee who sold them their apartment–made it known she'd be willing to pay $33,000,000 to buy the apartment...again. They wisely saw a gift horse knocking on their finely feathered nest who not only has pockets deep enough to pay thirty-some million for the apartment, but also a gift horse with the necessary clout–not to mention a couple of current addys at 820 already–to pass muster with the notoriously stringent co-op board.

Your Mama hasn't any idea if Miz Safra plans on keeping all the gallery white walls and ultra-modern bathroom fixtures, but iffin she were to ask Your Mama, which of course she will not, we'd tell her she'd be a loon to trade out anything installed by the magnificent Mister Boon.

The Widda Safra is, all the children well know by now, currently entangled in an ugly legal imbroglio with Russian oligarch Mikail Prokhorov over the fifty-five million (or so) clams the billionaire gave the billionairess as a deposit on the purchase of her legendary estate La Leopolda in the South of France. In short, he backed out of the deal and wants his deposit back and she claims he's not entitled to its return according to French law. Their attorneys are duking it out in court and a ruling of the mess is expected in March of 2010.

photo: Property Shark

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter wish all the children the happiest of holidays and an even happier New Year filled with health, wealth and a bottomless pitcher of gin & tonics.

Taylor Swift Buys Big Girl Penthouse in Nashville

BUYER: Taylor Swift
LOCATION: Nashville, TN
PRICE: $1,990,000
SIZE: 4,062 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we'd tell the children that the only bits and pieces we know about 20-year old country music sensation Taylor Swift is that purity ring wearing tweener singer Joe Jonas broke up with her over the telephone sometime in 2008 and that her moment to shine at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards was tarnished when she was accepting the Best Female Video award and a seemingly intoxicated Kanye West–he was, after all, clutching a half empty bottle of Hennessey while walking the red carpet earlier in the evening–clamored up on the stage looking like a damn fool with his ridiculous haircut and blathering on about beautiful and big booty-ed Beyoncé's Single Ladies video. Beyoncé looked mor-ti-fide, Kanye was asked to leave and, later, a very dignified Miss Swift very graciously accepted his apology. Lo-werd have mercy children, it's a good thing Kanye West didn't rain on our damn parade because Your Mama would not have been nearly as nice as Miss Swift. We'd have told Mister West to go, ahem, screw hisself and then smacked his ass clear back to the Middle Ages because we are not nearly as forgiving as young Miss Swift is when it comes to public displays of jack-assery.

Anyhoo, thanks to the gender neutrally named Robin Black down in Music City, we've also recently learned that the 20-year old singer/songwriter just bought her first home. A few minutes clicking and clacking through the interweb turns up multiple reports about young Miss Swift snatching up a dee-luxe penthouse condo at The Adelicia complex in downtown Nashville.

According to our Robin Black who forwarded property records supporting his claim, Miss Swift forked over a very grown up $1,990,000 for her new bachelorette pad. According to The Adelicia's website, little Miss Swift's penthouse measures an adult-sized 4,063 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers. Miss Swift's new home also has a double height living room wrapped in floor to ceiling glass and divided into two seating areas by a huge freestanding fireplace, a wrap around balcony, gore-may kitchen, dining room and an 80+ square foot wine storage room, which is kind of ironic if not particularly funny since Miss Swift is not old even enough to drink legally. Two of Miss Swift's three bedrooms are on the main floor while the upper floor includes a study overlooking the living room, an entertainment room, laundry facilities, and a master bedroom with twin vanities, a glassy bathroom with separate tub and shower and a walk in closet larger than many studio apartments in Manhattan.

According to one report, Miss Swift is all kinds of excited about shopping for tile and wallpaper and taking off her cowgirl boots and putting on her interior decorator hat. She reveals her plans to do over the day-core in a, "whimsical, quirky, eclectic tree house" style. Oh dear. Listen to Your Mama here Miss Swift, because we like you and we want to help you from creating a decorating disaster of epic proportions. Do not, and we repeat, do not do up your penthouse like a damn tree house. Not only will you get tired of that crap in six months or a year, no one will ever want to buy it when you decide to sell it because, let's be honest hunny, there really aren't that many–if any–people who will ever be the market for a multi-million dollar penthouse in Nashville done up and worked over like a damn tree house. Okay?

The 18-story mixed use tower offers residents all the luxuries and conveniences a fancy, modern day apartment tower should, including a 3,000 square foot gym with a yoga/Pilates room, a sprawling rooftop deck with Olympic length lap pool and a couple of community barbecue grills, a private pool-side lounge with catering kitchen for private soirees, private conference rooms, a resident's only dog park, and 24/7 concierge and security services.

Other buyers at The Adelicia are reported to include Dancing With the Stars dancer turned country music singer Julianne Hough, Kings of Leon lead singer Caleb Followill, and filthy rich American Idol founder Simon Fuller who, like Miss Swift, also selected a penthouse unit according to property records. Maybe the can all get together at the private pool-side lounge for a meet and greet barbecue soiree.

Your Mama congratulates Miss Swift on her success–it's not every 20-year old who can purchase a two million dollar anything–and sincerely wish her a happy home and a Kanye West free MTV Video Music Award ceremony in 2010.

Cher Hoists Hawaiian Hideaway Up on the Auction Block

SELLER: Cher
LOCATION: Lau'eki Street, Kailua Kona, HI
PRICE: $8-12,000,000 (estimated)
SIZE: 8,821 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Not only has iconic singer/songwriter/actor/director/producer Cher been trying to unload* her massive mansion in Malee-boo, CA for an ear piercing $45,000,000–now reduced to a still booty clenching $41,000,000–she's also recently put a never occupied Hawaiian hideaway up for auction with a pre-auction estimated selling price between eight and twelve million clams.

The recently completed residence sits on a .76-acre lot at the fancy Four Seasons Hualalai community on the Kona-Kohala Coast on the Big Island of Hawaii. Altogether, according to listing information, the compound covers 8,821 square feet of interior space with 6 bedrooms and 6 full and 2 half poopers.

The main house is entered through a courtyard and covered porch where floor-to-ceiling mahogany doors slide open to reveal a seamless integration between the well-appointed–if too neutral for Your Mama's taste–interior spaces and outdoor spaces which all have dazzling views across the 4th fairway and to the glittering blue ocean. In the event of inclement weather or a rare chill on the air, sliding glass doors close off the main living space, which includes a vaulted ceiling inlaid with grass thatching, several seating areas, art niches, and mahogany detailing.

The dining room, according to listing information, has sliding doors on all four sides that can either close or open the space to the living room, kitchen and outdoors. The adjacent kitchen features a large center island, high grade appliances including dual convection ovens, dual dishwashers, a built-in espresso maker, and a dual-climate wine refrigerator.

The master suite, located within the main house, includes an expansive bedroom with walls of glass that slide open to a private lanai with views of the pool, golf course and ocean. The master bath has been fitted with double vanity with a wood counter top, a free-standing soaking tub and a walk-in shower as well as an outdoor shower.

In addition to the main house, there are 5 free-standing bungalows–four with bedroom suites and a fifth designed as a media room and bar–that surround an Zen-like courtyard with streamlined landscaping, walking path and fountain.

The infinity-edged swimming pool and spa has several lounging areas including a nearby lanai and a shallow shelf in the pool itself on which several chaise lounges eagerly beckon for Your Mama's big booty, Cher's surgically enhanced and unnaturally wrinkle-free face and a big ol' pitcher of gin & tonics. The backside of the swimming pool has a few palm trees for that island feel and a tumble of razor sharp volcanic rocks, which will cut a persons feet to bloody shreds if they make the damn fool effort to scramble across them bare footed.

The property is scheduled to be auctioned on the 18th of January so any of you children who might have a 10 or so million to spare and would like to own a Hawaiian hideaway custom-designed by Cher herself have a few weeks to get your financial affairs in order.

*The Malee-boo manse is not currently on the open market.

photos: Concierge Auctions

More Legal Wrangling Over La Leopolda

International socialite Lily Safra did not want to sell La Leopolda, her lavish and legendarily high-maintenance 20ish acre estate in the South of France. Back in late November of 2009, Your Mama heard from Miz Safra's man in Paris who told us, "A purchase proposal was spontaneously–and repeatedly–made by one potential buyer and was finally accepted last year. However, the purchase was never completed. The residence is not being sold and was never offered for sale." Our little pea brain translates that to: Miz Safra was not–and is still not–seeking a buyer for La Leopolda, but, let's be honest chickens, when someone offers you half a billion bucks for a house, you say yes.

The "potential buyer" was Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov who provided Miz Safra a reported £35,000,000 down payment for the purchase of La Leopolda. It is this titanic deposit that has Miz Safra and Mister Prokhorov duking it out in the French courts.

According to a recent report in the Telegraph, Mister Prokhorov's legal people told a court in Nice that in August of 2008 a promesse de vente–that's a sale agreement to all us English speakers–was signed by Mister Prokhorov signaling his intent to purchase the Belle Epoque mansion. The agreed upon price, according to the Telegraph, was a jaw dropping and record breaking £347,000,000, a number that included £17,400,000 for the furnishings.

According to Your Mama's currency converting contraption, those figures translate at today's rates to $50,139, 200 for the deposit, $24,926,400 for the furniture and a total purchase price of $497,095,000. For the sake of simplicity, let's just say that based on the reported numbers, Miz Safra agreed to sell La Leopolda for approximately $475,000,000, the furnishings for an additional twenty-five million clams all of which was secured with a fifty million smacker deposit.

The big deal was to go down in January of 2009 but apparently Mister Prokhorov, who is by some accounts Russia's richest man, got a serious case of the real estate cold feet and decided not to complete the high-priced purchase. He requested his deposit be returned. She said, "nyet," then issued a public statement saying the ginormous deposit would be donated to various charities. She's rich like that. He cried foul. Then they went to court.

Miz Safra's legal people say that, according to French law, purchasers lose their deposit if they bail on the sale after the promesse de vente has been signed. Mister Prokhorov's legal peeps insist the promesse de vente became null and void due to two "anomalies." Their first argument states that Mister Prokhorov was not given a seven day "cooling off" period during which a buyer can typically back out of a sales agreement without penalty.

Their second legal beef is a claim that Miz Safra's legal proxy unlawfully included the agreed upon price for the furniture in with the price of the house making for an inaccurate reporting of the transaction figures to the French government.

Miz Safra's legal peeps said, in effect, "Pffft, that's silly" and then, somewhat curiously, demanded Mister Prokhorov compensate Miz Safra a whopping £1,300,000–or, at today's rates, $1,862,320 for all us Americanos–for the cost of "moving furniture." We'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that request didn't sit well with Mister Prokhorov or his legal team.

Miz Safra's legal representative, an homme by the name of Jean-Michel Darrios, claims to have an ace in their legal hole regarding this whole brouhaha and is quoted in the Telegraph, "We have written proof that Mr. Prokhorov, via his lawyers, continued to confirm his intention to by the property well after the sale agreement."

A verdict is due in March of 2010.

As an aside...

...First we lost the New York Post's inestimable celebrity real estate writer Braden Keil who died in early 2009 after a long battle with skin cancer and who was replaced by his wife Jennifer. Then we lost the mighty fine Max Abelson at the New York Observer who moved on to greener pastures at the pink paper and who was replaced by the lovely Chloe Malle. And now we read that (celebrity) real estate writer Josh Barbanel who penned the Big Deals column and other stories for the New York Times was laid off.

Laid off. Another sign of the economic times and yet another sign of the rather fragile state of newspapers and print media in general. We'll miss Mister Barbanel's insight into the glittery world of New York City real estate and will cross our fingers and toes he lands on his feet, soon and solidly.

UPDATE: Nic Cage

Oh dear. Your Mama regrets to report that it looks like it may not be a very merry real estate Christmas for the financially embattled and beleaguered Oscar winning actor Nic Cage. After weeks wasted in escrow, his legendary estate on Copa de Oro Road in Los Angeles' posh and pricey Bel Air neighborhood–formerly owned by Tom Jones and Dean Martin–is back on the market with an asking price of $17,500,000.

A Bev Hills real estate insider we'll call Little Birdie whispered in our ear that the house has actually been in escrow a couple of times and that we should not be surprised if it goes into escrow again very, very soon.

photo: Pacific Coast News

George Lindeman Junior Lists Art Filled Mansion in Miami

SELLER: George Lindemann Jr.
LOCATION: Sunset Island, Miami Beach, FL
PRICE: $29,900,750
SIZE: 11,388 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This historically significant waterfront property designed by Maurice Fatio encompasses 70,886 SF of land on which rests approx 11,388 SF breathtaking, Neoclassic home w/ a contemporary feel. The home sits on a tip lot on Sunset Island. From there, sweeping bay views & color-soaked sunsets provide a dazzling backdrop to this crown jewel, aptly named, La Tranquilla. An Olympic-sized pool blends effortlessly into the verdant & well-manicured surroundings of this tropical haven spanning 1.63 acres.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama suggests the children get right up, grab a nice big cup of coffee, spike it with whatever makes yer head spin and settle in for the long haul because we won't be getting to the meat of this real estate matter for quite some time.

George Lindemann, Sr., one of the United States' wealthier citizens, made tens of millions developing the first permanent-wear soft contact lens and later made well over a billion bucks selling a nascent cellular technology concern to the Bell Atlantic Corporation. Currently, Mister Lindemann is chairman of the board, president and CEO of the Southern Union Company, the largest natural gas pipeline company in the United States. Mister Lindemann is said to own as much as 10% of that company and, additionally, a significant stake in Verizon and a whole mess of Spanish language radio stations too. The Lindemanns, George Senior and his wife Dr. Frayda Lindemann, are major philanthropists, patrons of the arts and regulars on the upper crust party and charity circuit in New York, Palm Beach and beyond. Together they have three adult children: Adam, Sloan and George Jr.

Now that we know who the primary players are in our little game of real estate what's what, we're going to present an admittedly incomplete run down of the very fancy residential real estate holdings and transactions of the Lindemann family because, let's be honest, it's always fun and exciting to whittle away an hour or two looking at and marveling over how wildly, filthy, stinking rich people live.

George Senior and Dr. Frayda, who happen to be besties with fallen financier Walter Noel and his well kept wife Monica, famously sold their ocean front mansion on Blossom Way in Palm Beach in June of 2008 for a heart stopping $68,500,000. The buyer is widely reported to be Venezuelan big living banker and polo pasha Victor Vargas. The elder Lindemanns, who are based in Greenwich, CT, decamped to a smaller but still huge ocean front mansion father north in Palm Beach, which they bought in September of 2008 for $23,500,000 and hired high class architect Peter Marino to work over.

In 1986, according to property records, Mister and Missus Dr. Lindemann purchased a townhouse on swank but staid Sutton Place in New York City that once was owned by Aristotle Onassis. They sold the house a few years later for $8,375,000 and, unfortunately, Your Mama loses all track of their New York City real estate trail right then and there. However, Your Mama is hard pressed to believed these two luxe-livers haven't since bought themselves a pricey and posh apartment in one of the better buildings on Park or Fifth Avenue.

Anyhoo, since at least mid 1980s, according to property records, the Lindemann family seat has been a 9+ acre water front estate on Indian Field Road in Greenwich, CT. In addition a waterside swimming pool, tennis court, private beach, guest house and acres of lush landscaping, there is, according to property records, a very dignified 12,639 square foot, 12 bedroom Tudor-style mansion that would make a robber baron weep. As best as we can tell from peeping and poking around property records, the stately estate is now in the name of Sloan Lindemann, however we're pretty sure it's still occupied by the elder Lindemanns. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Speaking of Sloan...In the late 1990s, she and her investment banker/natural health-care and housecleaning products pushing huzband Roger Barnett lived in Manhattan at 550 Park Avenue in a 4,500 sq. ft. sprawler with 12 rooms. In late 2000, they traded up to a 33-foot wide, 5-floor Georgian style mansion on East 69th Street that records show they picked up for $11,050,000. At the time Mister and Missus Barnett bought the townhouse, according to a report from the time, the 1881 structure had a marble foyer, library, a full width living room, a dining room with 14 foot ceilings, two single bedrooms and three two-bedroom suites that shared 5 poopers and, natch, staff quarters. There were–and perhaps still are–separate passenger and staff elevators because, apparently, people with more money than the damn Pope don't always like sharing elevators with the help. Our research turned up multiple reports that stated the interiors were done up and did over by architect Peter Marino who–as we mentioned earlier–has had a hand in several homes of Sloan's folks. Back in mid-2007 there were rumors running around the upper crust real estate circles that Mister and Missus Barnett were quietly shopping their townhouse around for somewhere in the neighborhood of $62,000,000,000. It was rumored (and reported) that Mister and Missus Barnett had previously received one offer in the mid-fifty million clam range, but they didn't go for it. Silly rabbits.

In early 2005, after selling their ocean front weekend house at the bottom of Squabble Lane in Southampton, NY to pet product tycoon Leonard Hartz for $20,000,000, the Sloan and Roger Barnetts packed up and headed west where they bought a massive mansion in San Francisco from Ingrid and Reuben Hills of the Hills Brothers coffee fortune. According to previous reports and property records, the 1931 built manse, situated on a particularly peacocky block of nabobish Broadway Street, measures 11,455 square feet and includes 9 bedrooms, 9 or more poopers, a central courtyard and panoramic views encompassing the Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz Island. The purchase price is unknown but the hoity-toity house was last listed at a staggering $29,500,000. It had been listed, the children might get a kick out of knowing, as high as $45,000,000. To give the children a feel for the sort of west coast neighborhood the east coast Barnetts landed, their nearby neighbors include billionaire Larry Ellison, oil rich socialites Ann and Gordon Getty, Levi Strauss heir Peter Haas, and dashing writer and tech entrepreneur Trevor Traina–whose father was once married to prolific romance writer Danielle Steel–and his stunning wife Alexis. As best as Your Mama can tell from property records and previous reports, the Barnetts live primarily at their San Francisco mansion but continue to maintain their Manhattan townhouse, but don't nobody quote us on that because we really don't know nuthin' from a nutcracker.

Sloan's brother Adam Lindemann, a heavy hitting New York City-based contemporary art collector, used to live in a 10th floor spread at 730 Park Avenue when he was married to his first wife, socialite Elizabeth Graham. That is, until they went splitsville in the early naughts. The formerly happy couple also owned a 4.62 acre, 5 bedroom and 4 pooper property on North Street in Greenwich, CT they sold in September of 2001 for $3,583,000 as well as another house on Fords Lane in quietly ritzy Rye, NY that was sold in October of 2002 for $10,500,000. Ex-Missus Lindemann sold the 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper co-operative apartment at 730 Park Avenue post-dee-vorce, in June 2006, for $21,500,000 and moved her things just one floor down into an 11-room bacherlorette pad at 730 she bought in August of 2006 for $10,500,000.

In 2006, Mister Lindemann remarried former gallerist Amalia Dayan, who herself has a rather impressive family pedigree. For a time they lived in an art-filled apartment at the Time Warner Center surrounded by high priced and high profile pieces by big fish artists like Jack Pierson, Glenn Brown, Damien Hirst, and Jeff Koons. One of the bedrooms in the high-floor condo, shared by two of Mister Lindemann's three daughters from his first marriage, was wrapped in wallpaper by Japanese super star Takashi Murakami. The art consuming couple have traded that apartment in–or soon will be–for a David Adjaye designed carriage house on East 77th Street that record show Mister Lindemann bought in May of 2004 for $6,750,000. On weekends, Mister and second Missus Lindemann either head up to the Catskills where they own a mock-Tudor done over with the assistance of artist Richard Woods–which means it's probably an extravaganza of faux bois–or they head out east to Montauk where property records show that in December of 2007 Mister Lindemann spent $15,000,000 on a 3.31 acre bluff top and ocean front property with a sizable shingled cottage built in the 1970s, which they also had David Adjaye do over.

Now then, let's get to the man of the hour, George Lindemann Jr., whose unfortunate claim to fame is that in the late 1990s he did some time in the pokey after he was convicted of insurance fraud related to hiring some thug to electrocute one of his show horses in order to collect a quarter of a million clams in insurance money. After being sprung from the big house, Mister Lindemann re-created himself from a horseman into a philanthropist and voracious contemporary art collector based in Miami, FL. Thanks to Mimi MiamiBeach we've learned that the former felon has put his historic, art-filled Miami Beach mansion on the market with a toe curling $29,900,750 asking price. If that number doesn't cause the children to bust out in a case of hives, maybe the bank account draining $210,269 in annual taxes and $15,000 per year homeowner association fees will.

Public property records on George Junior's Sunset Island estate are a wee bit confusing and convoluted, as they often can be when dealing with billionaire families who have co-mingling financial interests in family businesses and trusts. According to one of our interweb sources, George Junior purchased the property through a trust in June of 2000 for $8,425,000. In 2004, the property was transferred from the trust directly to George Jr. and his mother Dr. Frayda. At some point between 2004 and 2008, George Senior and sister Sloan were added on the records and in early 2008 the property was again transferred from that group of Lindemanns directly to an eponymous trust controlled by George Junior.

Listing information shows the simply but meticulously manicured 1.63 acre lot claims 453 feet of water front and hosts a 1936 Neoclassical beauty designed by famed high society architect Maurice Fatio. According to listing information, the sprawling single story concrete block stucco residence, called La Tranquilla, measures 11,388 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7.5 poopers. At the front, an electronic gate opens to a large circular drive. The driveway leads around one side of the house to a small motor court and 3-car garage and on the other side, a path from the driveway leads around the house to the water where there is private dockage. A vast, piazza like patio stretches between the two wings at the back of the house and a rectangular, Olympic length swimming pool and spa extends from the back of the house towards the water.

The "W" shaped concrete stucco built residence retains its original character on the exterior and every convenience and modern amenity has been added to the beautifully proportioned interior. However, as lovely as the house may be, it's a wee bit difficult for Your Mama to look past all that blue chip contemporary art that is practically bursting out through the arched French doors and black shuttered windows. Just a few of the notable artists Your Mama recognizes around the house include Fred Tomaselli, John Currin, Anish Kapoor, Keith Haring, Matthew Ritchie, Marc Newsom, Raqib Shaw, Shiro Kuramata, and Wendell Castle just to name a few. Your Mama encourages the children to call out any other big–or not so big–name artists represented in George Junior's undeniably impressive collection.

Given that George Junior is shoulder deep in the Miami art scene and a major player in the city's fun in the sun Art Basel Miami Beach, Your Mama would not bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that he'll be leaving the area. But then again, what do we know? If we've said it once we've said a thousand and one times, who are we to understand the real estate ways of the ridiculously rich?

George Junior's name–plus that of another Lindemann–also appears on the records a Miami Beach condominium at theIl Villagio complex on Ocean Drive that was purchased in April of 2006 for $2,950,000. In July of 2009, records also reveal, George Junior spent an undisclosed but, based on mortgage information, enormous amount of money on an 11,113 square foot house in Aspen, CO.

Ain't life sweet for the children of billionaires?