UPDATE: Randolph Duke

Back in December of 2008, red carpet dress dee-ziner and HSN habiliment hawker Randoph Duke listed his cantilevered and aggressively cuspidated Los Angeles house with a searing asking price of $8,250,000. Later, in June of 2009, Miss Duke slashed the price tag of the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper property to $6,500,000.

It was shortly after that that Your Mama schlepped our fat ass through and around the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper XTEN Architecture designed house in the Hollywood Hills. Here's what we recall from our visit: The street on which the contemporary crib is located–anorexically narrow Fareholm Drive–offers residents undeniably spectacular views but cosmetically it's not a very attractive or particularly upscale appearing street despite its most famous fat livin' inhabitant, attention craving Kanye West who resides in a multi-floor modern a few curves down the street.

We also recall the angular residence had a driveway far to small to turn a car around–although one just wide enough for someone to back out a gleaming, white Rolls Royce Phantom, that most of the glass walls slid open making for a truly seamless integration of the interior spaces with the exterior terraces, patios, swimming pool and spa and that the master bedroom, despite its lack of an actual door for privacy, is a Sybarite's paradise with huge views, a fireplace for romantical evenings, plenty of storage for an entire wardrobe of his SPIRITED line of ladees duds, a large bathroom and several private terraces including one tucked up behind the house that connects to the outdoor dining room located off one end of the living room.

Anyhoo, thanks to Emily Emailer and confirmed with property records, Your Mama can tell you that Miss Duke finally sold the house in early December 2009 for–drum roll please–$5,300,000. Now chickens, five and some million bucks is a lot of damn dollars but a few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that it's also just 64% of the original asking price. We're certain Miss Duke and all his accountants and real estate people are thrilled the house sold, but surely it stings just a little to get so much less than was desired.

Steve Booshehmee Lists Sunset Strip House

SELLER: Steve Buscemi
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,250,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sited on one of the premier promontories above the Sunset Strip, this European Architectural feels as if it floats among the stars. All major room overlook a dramatic pool and grassy lawn to an unbroken, unobstructed sweep of view across the Los Angeles basin to the Pacific Ocean. The just completed renovation and expansion have created a remarkable two-story residence which combines contemporary luxury with a respect for the details of a distinguished origin.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While Your Mama was sipping gin spiked egg nog with the Dr. Cooter's family we received a missive from Big Dave over at Celebrity Address Aerial who let us know that snaggle-toothed actor/director Steve Buscemi–that's pronounced boo-SHEM-ee–listed a house high above Los Angeles' Sunset Strip with a sky high asking price of $6,250,000.

Mister Buscemi, well known for playing creeps and criminals on screen (The Sopranos, Miller's Crossing, Fargo, The Big Lebowski) also has a handful of nice credits on his IMDB for directing multiple episodes of Oz, The Sopranos, 30 Rock and, most recently, 4 episodes of the wicked and wonderful Nurse Jackie on the HBO.

Anyhoo, property records are a wee bit confusing on this one to Your Mama's holiday hacked and gin saturated mind, but as best as we can tell Mister Buscemi–a dead ringer for John Waters in a dark alley–bought the property in July 0f 2006 for an undisclosed amount of money. It could also be that he's owned the property since sometime in the 1990s. We don't know. The property consists of at least three–and possibly four–adjacent parcels sited on a small but significant promontory allowing for knee buckling views of the glittery lights of Tinseltown from downtown to the Pacific Ocean.

Property records show the recently rehabbed residence was originally built in 1942 and measures 1,956 square feet with 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers. However, listing information indicates the "European Architectural" includes 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers. Your Mama does can't say with certainty why the discrepancy, but we suspect it might have something to do with the recent renovation and expansion mentioned in listing information.

Sitting at the very tip of a hair pin curve on a cul-de-sac off dizzingly swervy Sunset Plaza Drive and fronted by an itty-bitty motor court and 2-car garage, the little-windowed front facade gives few clues to the exploding views that slap you in the damn face at the back of the house which is all floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that open to the back yard.

Listing photos don't reveal much of the interior spaces but, let's be honestly children, whomever buys Mister Booshehmee's Sunset Strip property at whatever price it eventually sells for probably will care little about the interior spaces with it's polished and reddish wood floors, 2 fireplaces and oddly configured but well appointed kitchen. For better or worse and like it or not, in Los Angeles, a house like this is all about that glittering carpet of lights and the small but flat back yard with its infinity edged plunge pool, spa, fire pit and patch of grass just big enough for a couple long bodied bitches.

From the looks of things, Your Mama would guess–and hope–that Mister Booshehmee and family have already moved on to bigger and better digs since there appears to be little in the way of day-core other than a couple of Barcelona chairs, a surfboard shaped glass dining room table with six white chairs and a trio of stainless steel stools pulled up to the breakfast counter in the kitchen. Besides, that orchid sitting on the coffee table in the living room is a dead damn ringer that this place is staged. Or at least, that's what Your Mama thinks.

Property records also indicate that Mister Buscemi owns a 2 bedroom and 2 pooper condo in a tawdry complex on the western side of Las Vegas that was purchased in October of 2006 for $200,000 as well as a house sitting on just more than an acre not too far from posh Park City, UT in the unfortunately named Heber City. It also appears, according to property records, that Mister Buscemi also owns house in the Park Slope neighborhood of his native Brooklyn, NY. which was purchased way back in June of 1997 for $579,000. But honestly butter beans, we're not sure of these things.

The Widda Safra and Real Estate Madness

Listen chickens, today is a travel day for Your Mama so we just don't have too much time to blather on like we usually do so in an effort not to leave y'all completely high and dry real estate wise we're going to drop a tidbit about some recent real estate activity at New York City's high-fallutin' 820 Fifth Avenue, without question one of Manhattan's most exclusive and coveted co-operative apartment houses and also one of the most difficult to get into.

International socialite Lily Safra, the widow of deceased Lebonese billionaire Edmond Safra who perished in a nasty conflagration that swept through the couple's penthouse in Monaco back in 1999, has long occupied the top floor of the ridiculously high-nosed 820 Fifth Avenue. She also, according to several of our better connected New York City sources, owns the smaller of the two maisonette units at 820. Your Mama doesn't know what she uses that apartment for so don't nobody bother asking. If we knew, we'd certainly tell you.

Anyhoo, the long elevator ride to the 12 floor must have gotten a bit annoying for the Widda Safra–or something–because on the 16th of December, according to the peeps at Property Shark, the kohl eyed and wildy rich woman snatched up the 4th floor of 820 Fifth Avenue for a toe curling $33,000,000 and, in turn, sold her 12th floor sprawler to hedge fund honcho Ken Griffin for an even more hair raising $40,000,000. Billionaires clearly weather recessions far differently than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do.

This is not–it might flabbergast the children to know–the first time the Widda Safra has owned the 4th floor of 820 Fifth Avenue. In the early naughts, the Widda Safra reportedly paid khaki pants king Tommy Hilfiger somewhere in the neighborhood of $18,000,000 for the full floor unit. As the story goes–and Your Mama has no idea if the story is really true–the Widda Safra purchased the palatial apartment for one of her two daughters who quickly had a real estate change of mind and decided she didn't want to live downstairs from mumsey after all. The apartment was flipped back on the market and eventually sold in 2003 for around $23,500,000, a tidy profit by any standard. The buyers: home builder Ara Hovnanian and his ar-teest wifey Rachel.

The Hovnanians had the 4th floor unit all did up and done over by dee-voon Dutch architect Piet Boon who worked over the 18-room beast into a minimalist vision in white, black and blue with elaborate and intricate moldings painted the same glaring white as the winter white walls, all the better to display their impressive collection of Hirsts and Matisses. Back in the early spring of 2008, the Hovnanians floated their very contemporary apartment on the market as a quiet listing–meaning it wasn't officially for sale, but for those with the right connections and the right number dollars in their bank accounts was indeed for sale–with an asking price widely reported to be a blistering $36,000,000.

The Hovnanians were, natch, no fools when the Widda Safra–the very same ladee who sold them their apartment–made it known she'd be willing to pay $33,000,000 to buy the apartment...again. They wisely saw a gift horse knocking on their finely feathered nest who not only has pockets deep enough to pay thirty-some million for the apartment, but also a gift horse with the necessary clout–not to mention a couple of current addys at 820 already–to pass muster with the notoriously stringent co-op board.

Your Mama hasn't any idea if Miz Safra plans on keeping all the gallery white walls and ultra-modern bathroom fixtures, but iffin she were to ask Your Mama, which of course she will not, we'd tell her she'd be a loon to trade out anything installed by the magnificent Mister Boon.

The Widda Safra is, all the children well know by now, currently entangled in an ugly legal imbroglio with Russian oligarch Mikail Prokhorov over the fifty-five million (or so) clams the billionaire gave the billionairess as a deposit on the purchase of her legendary estate La Leopolda in the South of France. In short, he backed out of the deal and wants his deposit back and she claims he's not entitled to its return according to French law. Their attorneys are duking it out in court and a ruling of the mess is expected in March of 2010.

photo: Property Shark

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter wish all the children the happiest of holidays and an even happier New Year filled with health, wealth and a bottomless pitcher of gin & tonics.

Taylor Swift Buys Big Girl Penthouse in Nashville

BUYER: Taylor Swift
LOCATION: Nashville, TN
PRICE: $1,990,000
SIZE: 4,062 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we'd tell the children that the only bits and pieces we know about 20-year old country music sensation Taylor Swift is that purity ring wearing tweener singer Joe Jonas broke up with her over the telephone sometime in 2008 and that her moment to shine at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards was tarnished when she was accepting the Best Female Video award and a seemingly intoxicated Kanye West–he was, after all, clutching a half empty bottle of Hennessey while walking the red carpet earlier in the evening–clamored up on the stage looking like a damn fool with his ridiculous haircut and blathering on about beautiful and big booty-ed Beyoncé's Single Ladies video. Beyoncé looked mor-ti-fide, Kanye was asked to leave and, later, a very dignified Miss Swift very graciously accepted his apology. Lo-werd have mercy children, it's a good thing Kanye West didn't rain on our damn parade because Your Mama would not have been nearly as nice as Miss Swift. We'd have told Mister West to go, ahem, screw hisself and then smacked his ass clear back to the Middle Ages because we are not nearly as forgiving as young Miss Swift is when it comes to public displays of jack-assery.

Anyhoo, thanks to the gender neutrally named Robin Black down in Music City, we've also recently learned that the 20-year old singer/songwriter just bought her first home. A few minutes clicking and clacking through the interweb turns up multiple reports about young Miss Swift snatching up a dee-luxe penthouse condo at The Adelicia complex in downtown Nashville.

According to our Robin Black who forwarded property records supporting his claim, Miss Swift forked over a very grown up $1,990,000 for her new bachelorette pad. According to The Adelicia's website, little Miss Swift's penthouse measures an adult-sized 4,063 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers. Miss Swift's new home also has a double height living room wrapped in floor to ceiling glass and divided into two seating areas by a huge freestanding fireplace, a wrap around balcony, gore-may kitchen, dining room and an 80+ square foot wine storage room, which is kind of ironic if not particularly funny since Miss Swift is not old even enough to drink legally. Two of Miss Swift's three bedrooms are on the main floor while the upper floor includes a study overlooking the living room, an entertainment room, laundry facilities, and a master bedroom with twin vanities, a glassy bathroom with separate tub and shower and a walk in closet larger than many studio apartments in Manhattan.

According to one report, Miss Swift is all kinds of excited about shopping for tile and wallpaper and taking off her cowgirl boots and putting on her interior decorator hat. She reveals her plans to do over the day-core in a, "whimsical, quirky, eclectic tree house" style. Oh dear. Listen to Your Mama here Miss Swift, because we like you and we want to help you from creating a decorating disaster of epic proportions. Do not, and we repeat, do not do up your penthouse like a damn tree house. Not only will you get tired of that crap in six months or a year, no one will ever want to buy it when you decide to sell it because, let's be honest hunny, there really aren't that many–if any–people who will ever be the market for a multi-million dollar penthouse in Nashville done up and worked over like a damn tree house. Okay?

The 18-story mixed use tower offers residents all the luxuries and conveniences a fancy, modern day apartment tower should, including a 3,000 square foot gym with a yoga/Pilates room, a sprawling rooftop deck with Olympic length lap pool and a couple of community barbecue grills, a private pool-side lounge with catering kitchen for private soirees, private conference rooms, a resident's only dog park, and 24/7 concierge and security services.

Other buyers at The Adelicia are reported to include Dancing With the Stars dancer turned country music singer Julianne Hough, Kings of Leon lead singer Caleb Followill, and filthy rich American Idol founder Simon Fuller who, like Miss Swift, also selected a penthouse unit according to property records. Maybe the can all get together at the private pool-side lounge for a meet and greet barbecue soiree.

Your Mama congratulates Miss Swift on her success–it's not every 20-year old who can purchase a two million dollar anything–and sincerely wish her a happy home and a Kanye West free MTV Video Music Award ceremony in 2010.

Cher Hoists Hawaiian Hideaway Up on the Auction Block

SELLER: Cher
LOCATION: Lau'eki Street, Kailua Kona, HI
PRICE: $8-12,000,000 (estimated)
SIZE: 8,821 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Not only has iconic singer/songwriter/actor/director/producer Cher been trying to unload* her massive mansion in Malee-boo, CA for an ear piercing $45,000,000–now reduced to a still booty clenching $41,000,000–she's also recently put a never occupied Hawaiian hideaway up for auction with a pre-auction estimated selling price between eight and twelve million clams.

The recently completed residence sits on a .76-acre lot at the fancy Four Seasons Hualalai community on the Kona-Kohala Coast on the Big Island of Hawaii. Altogether, according to listing information, the compound covers 8,821 square feet of interior space with 6 bedrooms and 6 full and 2 half poopers.

The main house is entered through a courtyard and covered porch where floor-to-ceiling mahogany doors slide open to reveal a seamless integration between the well-appointed–if too neutral for Your Mama's taste–interior spaces and outdoor spaces which all have dazzling views across the 4th fairway and to the glittering blue ocean. In the event of inclement weather or a rare chill on the air, sliding glass doors close off the main living space, which includes a vaulted ceiling inlaid with grass thatching, several seating areas, art niches, and mahogany detailing.

The dining room, according to listing information, has sliding doors on all four sides that can either close or open the space to the living room, kitchen and outdoors. The adjacent kitchen features a large center island, high grade appliances including dual convection ovens, dual dishwashers, a built-in espresso maker, and a dual-climate wine refrigerator.

The master suite, located within the main house, includes an expansive bedroom with walls of glass that slide open to a private lanai with views of the pool, golf course and ocean. The master bath has been fitted with double vanity with a wood counter top, a free-standing soaking tub and a walk-in shower as well as an outdoor shower.

In addition to the main house, there are 5 free-standing bungalows–four with bedroom suites and a fifth designed as a media room and bar–that surround an Zen-like courtyard with streamlined landscaping, walking path and fountain.

The infinity-edged swimming pool and spa has several lounging areas including a nearby lanai and a shallow shelf in the pool itself on which several chaise lounges eagerly beckon for Your Mama's big booty, Cher's surgically enhanced and unnaturally wrinkle-free face and a big ol' pitcher of gin & tonics. The backside of the swimming pool has a few palm trees for that island feel and a tumble of razor sharp volcanic rocks, which will cut a persons feet to bloody shreds if they make the damn fool effort to scramble across them bare footed.

The property is scheduled to be auctioned on the 18th of January so any of you children who might have a 10 or so million to spare and would like to own a Hawaiian hideaway custom-designed by Cher herself have a few weeks to get your financial affairs in order.

*The Malee-boo manse is not currently on the open market.

photos: Concierge Auctions

More Legal Wrangling Over La Leopolda

International socialite Lily Safra did not want to sell La Leopolda, her lavish and legendarily high-maintenance 20ish acre estate in the South of France. Back in late November of 2009, Your Mama heard from Miz Safra's man in Paris who told us, "A purchase proposal was spontaneously–and repeatedly–made by one potential buyer and was finally accepted last year. However, the purchase was never completed. The residence is not being sold and was never offered for sale." Our little pea brain translates that to: Miz Safra was not–and is still not–seeking a buyer for La Leopolda, but, let's be honest chickens, when someone offers you half a billion bucks for a house, you say yes.

The "potential buyer" was Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov who provided Miz Safra a reported £35,000,000 down payment for the purchase of La Leopolda. It is this titanic deposit that has Miz Safra and Mister Prokhorov duking it out in the French courts.

According to a recent report in the Telegraph, Mister Prokhorov's legal people told a court in Nice that in August of 2008 a promesse de vente–that's a sale agreement to all us English speakers–was signed by Mister Prokhorov signaling his intent to purchase the Belle Epoque mansion. The agreed upon price, according to the Telegraph, was a jaw dropping and record breaking £347,000,000, a number that included £17,400,000 for the furnishings.

According to Your Mama's currency converting contraption, those figures translate at today's rates to $50,139, 200 for the deposit, $24,926,400 for the furniture and a total purchase price of $497,095,000. For the sake of simplicity, let's just say that based on the reported numbers, Miz Safra agreed to sell La Leopolda for approximately $475,000,000, the furnishings for an additional twenty-five million clams all of which was secured with a fifty million smacker deposit.

The big deal was to go down in January of 2009 but apparently Mister Prokhorov, who is by some accounts Russia's richest man, got a serious case of the real estate cold feet and decided not to complete the high-priced purchase. He requested his deposit be returned. She said, "nyet," then issued a public statement saying the ginormous deposit would be donated to various charities. She's rich like that. He cried foul. Then they went to court.

Miz Safra's legal people say that, according to French law, purchasers lose their deposit if they bail on the sale after the promesse de vente has been signed. Mister Prokhorov's legal peeps insist the promesse de vente became null and void due to two "anomalies." Their first argument states that Mister Prokhorov was not given a seven day "cooling off" period during which a buyer can typically back out of a sales agreement without penalty.

Their second legal beef is a claim that Miz Safra's legal proxy unlawfully included the agreed upon price for the furniture in with the price of the house making for an inaccurate reporting of the transaction figures to the French government.

Miz Safra's legal peeps said, in effect, "Pffft, that's silly" and then, somewhat curiously, demanded Mister Prokhorov compensate Miz Safra a whopping £1,300,000–or, at today's rates, $1,862,320 for all us Americanos–for the cost of "moving furniture." We'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that request didn't sit well with Mister Prokhorov or his legal team.

Miz Safra's legal representative, an homme by the name of Jean-Michel Darrios, claims to have an ace in their legal hole regarding this whole brouhaha and is quoted in the Telegraph, "We have written proof that Mr. Prokhorov, via his lawyers, continued to confirm his intention to by the property well after the sale agreement."

A verdict is due in March of 2010.